holá and make this a good evening

Lord, I need new clothes and inspiration. More shallow text today than usual, but I just feel like I need a pick-up and a new way of going about my life; a new outlook, appearance, or insight on life. New pants, some more exercise, new hair and boom, I'd be a new person. Or I would at least have the credentials for looking like a new person, thus I could be a bit more excited about how I looked.

G'nite, Moscow calling.

T O N I G H T

i like the rain
i'd love it if i had nothing to hide
tell me it's all ok
that we'll both be ok
this is my solemn plea
forever is but a time frame
built to induce hope and
make you m i s s me

raavi nahkani alta

I could say "make me bleed", but
I'd rather you do it voluntarily.
Bruise me,
scratch me,
bite me,
Words aren't necessary,
slash me open inside
and I'm happy again
All bled out,
I have no energy to resist,
So I smile.
I'll get you next time, I think,
as I rest my head on your chest.
I never knew the glory of pain,
for I am inglorious

i'm not what, i'm not what

Everybody's splitting up, and it makes me wonder. This time has usually been reserved for cuddling in coffeeshops, kissing in the snowy weather and being overjoyed at the easy passage to salvation from the cold in the form of a bed or on a couch. This autumn/winter is an anomaly in the history of the need to nest, the need to love and be held.

I'm trying my best, personally, to enjoy being romantically alone. I'm finding it increasingly difficult as the weather gets colder, but Schadenfreude is a friend and I take comfort in the fact that most of the population of my generation is, like me, alone. I do prefer to disengage myself from romantic relationships (ie. relationshit) as much as possible, because when it gets hard, I actually enjoy it. This scares me about myself. I need EMA = Emotional Masochists Anonymous.

I guess it's better than living in a fairytale. I don't expect a castle in the sky, and lord knows I'd never stay in one for too long. All I ask for is for people to be genuine.

ps. Don't tell me I'm ugly, you know who you are. I'm too much of a bitch to take that lying down if it happens again.

pps. Excuse the aggression. I fucked up a test today, therefore it is justified.